Article Computers Technology

Can you just feel the sickness in your stomach right now? That feeling when you know that you have to have a conversation that you are NOT looking forward to
but know you need to have. It plagues you for days before you have to face the inevitable and then the moment arrives when you make contact with the person
and there they are.. waiting for you to initiate conversation.

Usually
the conversations start friendly. You talk about the weather or your weekend or something work oriented that you both can agree on. This is a great tactic.. to find something that you both agree on BEFORE you attack.

Okay
attacking is NOT a good word here. That is exactly what you don’t WANT to do. But
it is going to be your natural instinct. You have probably been steaming on the inside thinking of everything wrong that your opponent has done. You’ve been thinking of what he or she is going to give you as a rebuttal and you have every cleaver answer ready to go.

But instead of attacking
you need to PRACTICE exactly WHAT you are going to say. And even though you can barely CONTAIN yourself and want to just blast the person
you MUST REMAIN CALM. You MUST remain in a place where an equal exchange of ideas can take place. You must tell yourself that you HAVE to stay calm
and agree to listen with out interrupting.

Visualizing being calm is helpful and visualizing yourself having a good conversation is even better. It can help pave the way for a fruitful conversation. Then
after you’ve finished the small talk
and that awkward silence takes place
then it’s up to you
to ask a question: “so
perhaps we should discuss this issue at stake?”

Remember at this point
whoever ASKS the questions controls the conversation. If you ask the question
“can you tell me what happened from your point of view?” then you are off to a good start. Then
follow up by taking notes and asking MORE questions. Do this so your opponent can see that you are really listening to him or her and value what you have to say. The most controlled person is going to want to JUMP in and add their two sense
but you MUST not! You must just listen
look them in the eyes with all of the sincerity you can muster up
and you must listen to his or her complaint about you.

When they are done with their 15 minute monologue that may or may not be salted with epiphanies about yourself that you were dying to know
then you HAVE to take a breath
a deep one and then… WAIT.

YES… WAIT. Let the clock tick. This is essential for letting your opponent know that you are giving serious thought to the assaults that you just endured. You are carefully considering the awful things that you instigated
and then you are thinking carefully about how to respond.

Then you do. You might want to throw in one or two more questions to gain clarity just for good measure
but more than likely
you’ll have the major complaints listed and are now ready to respond.

But.. before you respond… do you need to apologize? Do you need to tell the person that you’re sorry that you hurt their feelings
damaged their reputation
embarrassed them in front of others
or ANYTHING else. Apologizing is an EXCELLENT strategy for gaining respect from an opponent. If you don’t have any apologizing to do… then FIND something to apologize for. It’s VERY important that you take some of the blame.

Next
thank the opponent for opening up to you and sharing with you. Tell them that you want to gain their respect and trust and want to word everything as carefully as possible.

Then you start your rebuttal. Tell the person that you want to do a good job. You both have the same goal at stake of keeping the company growing and moving in the right direction. (or list a common goal that you both share) and it’s obvious that you are both passionate about the topic.

Then start slow
and talk about how you arrived at your decision. Do NOT point fingers. Just talk about the goal of making your company great.. or how you arrived at your decision. If you are giving a rebuttal to a serious allegation that is true
then confront your fears and tell the person that you are working on this issue and ask for them to be patient with you. Most people will understand human error and give you a break – if you admit it. If you defend yourself completely and take no responsibility
then you might as well hang up your gloves. You are going to lose respect and probably in the long run
you’ll lose the game.

Sticky conversations are not fun to have
but they can further the action faster than anything else. Rather than people sitting around stewing all day long
gossiping in the halls about each other
then having those conversations can challenge people to come to the table with ideas
conversations and new solutions.

Each time you have a sticky conversation
you’ll gain strength. You’ll see that it’s MUCH better to have the conversation than let it simmer underneath the surface. Facing the uncomfortable does more than just solve an issue
it can help you get comfortable with the person
and make them into your advocate.

There is no better solution to find than to transform from an enemy to an advocate. That is the ultimate and while it might not be easy
it is simple. Just prepare in advance
be prepared to humble yourself
and in the process you’ll gain respect from your opponent
and even more respect for yourself.